Maybe it is the fact that I am 9 months pregnant, maybe I am just an emotional basket case. Either way, that is how I would describe me right now, even as I write this. On Wednesday night at 11pm everyone was asleep except for myself. Michael actually had just gone to bed. I started to have some really sore contractions, so I waited them out for an hour. By Midnight they were still going, so I woke up Michael. and My Mom and told them I think it is time. We stayed home and counted the contractions to make sure is was consistent for the most part they were. Michael and I at 1:30am took a walk around our neighborhood just to see if they kept up at that point too. They did! So off to the hospital we went. They checked me and told me I was 3 Centimeters Dilated and 50% effaced. They emitted me and put me on potoycin to help thing along. Well, long story short, 18 hours later with no sleep and no pain meds I wasn't getting any further along, I just had they contractions from the potoycin. They Decided at that point to discharge me.
Well, I don't think my mom and Husband were prepared for that ride home. It was the quietest ride home. I for made my mom sit in the back seat cause I couldn't look at the car seat without crying, but evidently that didn't matter, because I cried more then I have ever cried before in my life the whole way home and in the bath tub when I got home. I can't even begin to describe the pain and disappointment of thinking for 18 hours that you are leaving with a baby in your arms and no longer in your tummy. It was so hard to even walk in my house at look at the baby bed next to mine without crying. I know, it is nothing. It could be so much worst. But this is why I am saying that I am an emotional basket case.
I guess when baby is ready he will come out. Heavenly Father is just really testing me and seeing if I am ready and testing my patients. I couldn't stop asking him why he would put me through what he did yesterday. I really still can't understand it, but I guess I will soon enough.
Thanks for letting me vent.