Friday, March 12, 2010

high emotions

Maybe it is the fact that I am 9 months pregnant, maybe I am just an emotional basket case. Either way, that is how I would describe me right now, even as I write this. On Wednesday night at 11pm everyone was asleep except for myself. Michael actually had just gone to bed. I started to have some really sore contractions, so I waited them out for an hour. By Midnight they were still going, so I woke up Michael. and My Mom and told them I think it is time. We stayed home and counted the contractions to make sure is was consistent for the most part they were. Michael and I at 1:30am took a walk around our neighborhood just to see if they kept up at that point too. They did! So off to the hospital we went. They checked me and told me I was 3 Centimeters Dilated and 50% effaced. They emitted me and put me on potoycin to help thing along. Well, long story short, 18 hours later with no sleep and no pain meds I wasn't getting any further along, I just had they contractions from the potoycin. They Decided at that point to discharge me.

Well, I don't think my mom and Husband were prepared for that ride home. It was the quietest ride home. I for made my mom sit in the back seat cause I couldn't look at the car seat without crying, but evidently that didn't matter, because I cried more then I have ever cried before in my life the whole way home and in the bath tub when I got home. I can't even begin to describe the pain and disappointment of thinking for 18 hours that you are leaving with a baby in your arms and no longer in your tummy. It was so hard to even walk in my house at look at the baby bed next to mine without crying. I know, it is nothing. It could be so much worst. But this is why I am saying that I am an emotional basket case.

I guess when baby is ready he will come out. Heavenly Father is just really testing me and seeing if I am ready and testing my patients. I couldn't stop asking him why he would put me through what he did yesterday. I really still can't understand it, but I guess I will soon enough.

Thanks for letting me vent.

6 comments:

dydy said...

Being pregnant causes emotions to be 100x more than what they would already be. I thought I might be starting labor several times with Haylee, but never went to the hospital cause I had gone several times with Lil John.

Your baby will be here soon and you'll probably still cry, but of happiness instead. Do lots of walking. It may sound weird coming from me, cause we've never been close friends, but have lots of sex. Both of those can help jumpstart labor especially after your experience.

My dr told me when I was experiencing regular amount contractions but they weren't escalating in pain to take tylenol pm to help myself get some rest. The rest somehow helps get your body prepare for the long haul of labor. The few hours of rest I got helped start my labor. It may be something to talk to your doctor about if you feel comfortable taking it.

kirsten and josh said...

oh goodness... he will be here soon.
LOVE YA!

Hanaike House said...

Oh Michelle, your post brought back so many memories for me. It is truly maddening when you go to the hospital thinking "this is it" only to be sent home still pregnant. And those contractions are so strong; you feel like you'll go crazy timing them day after day, but you just can't keep your eyes off the clock. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Hopefully you will be rewarded with a fast labor and delivery once it finally happens. Hang in there. We are all thinking of you and wishing you luck.

Chris and Cortney Walker said...

I can relate I promise, I know just how hard it is to go through a rollercoaster of emotions at the end of pregnancy, But baby boy thinks that is is so comfy just to hang out! I know you must be totally uncomfortable too! Tell Michael also that the Crazy hormones are not out of your system until 12 weeks later also so you can break out crying for no reason until then and use that excuse! I know you probably dont want to hear this but enjoy him to yourself for a little bit longer too, I totally miss feeling my boys inside me, And I literally HATED being pregnant towards the end. Just think your little one loves your belly so much when he does finally come he will get to show you how much he loves you!

Michelle and Michael Vatcher said...

Thanks guys.

Nicole said...

Wow, what a hard experience to go through! You are such a strong woman! Seriously, that is so disappointing. I'm so sorry. Next time it will be for real though and you can at least be grateful that the baby is still healthy and will be in your arms soon! Good luck! Love you!